Lazy Ninjas
by Sakata-Bluemoon
Summary: Ninjas are surprisingly lazy - so with the release of Bruno Mars's new song 'Lazy' it was time to show what these ninja's really got up to when they where given their day off.


Ninjas are not truly as active as people believe, in fact many of them are just plain old 'Lazy'...

...Today I don't feel like doing anything... I just wanna lay in my bed...

Naruto lay curled up in bed, his head covered by a droopy pillow which was his only defense against the bright morning sun which tried to break through his dusty windows. There was no way he was going to wake up - not until he was good and ready to.

...Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone...

Ino's phone continued to buzz, the in-coming call being ignored in favor of catching a few more 'z's. Finally it clicked over to automated voice mail:

"Hey Ino Pig, get up you sleepy head! We have a shopping trip today! And that new club's opening tonight! It's Sakura if you can't tell Ino! GET OUT OF BED!" The call was easily ignored via the ability to roll over and shut ones self out of the world by stuffing a pillow on top of ones head.

...'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything... I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan...

Shikimaru lay on his back, eyes closed and brown hair released from it usual high spiky pony tail. The waves of brown running down the side of the couch arm like a bad filthy stain. 'Thup' - 'Thup' - 'Thup' went the fan above his head, as it rotated creating a gentle breeze of cool air; which caressed the lazy nins face, making him smirk.

...Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants... Nobody's gon' tell me I can't...

On a long black sofa in a dark room lay a body dressed in deep ocean blue, the high definition 52" plasma the only light on in the room. Sasuke's hand slowly, oh so slowly, crept down his body to the rim of his pants; here it paused running casually over the rim, almost teasing himself with the appendage, before it dived down straight past his boxers and to his member. With a content sigh he smirked opening his dark eyes - staring at the screen, loving the fact he could have the porn channel on with his hand in his pants, with no one round to tell him he couldn't.

...I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie...

A shivering bundle lay on the couch of the hotel, trying half heartedly to merge with the cheap fabric. Suppressing another shiver Temari curled closer to herself and cursed Konoha for having cool weather. Even though it was only the hotel she was staying in that was cold... The air-conditioning unit had been broken for sometime.

...Click to MTV so they can teach me how to Dougie...

Gai leapt into Lee's room ignoring the startled rabbit which hopped frantically out of the skipping nins way, and the squirrel in the chandelier that chittered at him in irritation. Flicking the television on he immediately clicked over to - whatever channel MTV is on - and turned it up to it's loudest volume, before pirouetting off and dragging Lee over.

"Hello Gai! What are you doing here?" the younger green ninja asked as he helped his mentor to move his lounge room furniture - consisting of mainly animals and a few splintered logs - even though he was unsure of why.

"MTV will be teaching us how to Dougie!" cried the elder, excitement radiating from him like heat from the sun.

"What's a Dougie?" Lee asked rubbing the back of his head in confusion, his instructor's answer didn't help him lift the veil off either.

"I don't know but it sounds like fun!" this they both agreed on, as the previous music video died out. A host popped onto the screen and introduced two professional street dancers who, supposedly, where going to teach them how to do the Dougie - still no clue as to what that is by the way. Swiping their heads, and chanting some words they popped their shirts and then sank down doing airplane wings... The two enthusiastic nins caught on quick enough and began adding their own steps... Which then turned into another training session, the taijustuists where very VERY predictable.

...'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man... Oh yes, I said it, I said it... I said it 'cause I can...

Off in a training ground, filled with newly transported sand Gaara and Shukaku where bickering about who was really the king of their sand castle; the structure stood about ten metres off the ground and was beautifully decorated with elaborate symbols and a flag of the wind country.

"I am you over grown squirrel."

"But I did most of the building."

"No you didn't, I did you lying bastard."

"Who controlled that sand, you stuck up ponce."

"Oh go shove your head in a sand pit! This is my castle and up here, I'm the ruler man."

"You mean a king you twit... Besides why would you say something like that, when you know I'm more of a man than you... I've been laid more times than you, both by males and females..."

"What does it matter about how many people you've laid... Besides it's true and you know it you... you... Kyuubi loving, cock sucking, back stabbing, cheating little mind fucker..." The conversation ended there because Shukaku - in his blinding rage - disintegrated the structures main support beams - so the young Kazekage came tumbling down with the sand. This act of rebellion just started another argument between the two sand nins.

...Today I don't feel like doing anything... I just wanna lay in my bed...

The sun is now at its highest point, and nothing has moved or stirred inside this house for nearly a full twenty hours. A pillow thrown over a head of ruffled blonde hair, blankets tangled over a softly breathing body, an arm and leg sticking out to the side of the bed and unveiled from the blankets. Naruto was still deeply asleep, and happy wherever the hell he was in that thick head of his.

...Don't feel like picking up the phone, so leave a message at the tone...

The phone chanted excitedly to the pink haired girl, such a shame she was singing (no more like wailing) in the shower and couldn't hear the annoying song that told her she had an incoming call.

"Sakura this is Ino, where are you! I've been waiting for you to come pick me up for a full hour! HURRY UP YOU PINK BITCH!" Ino's voice chimmed happily into the message bank after the tone. Sakura came out just in time to hear the message click off and nothing more.

...'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything... Nothing at all, nothing at all... Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X...

Purple leg warmers... Tight white sport pants that started at about half way up a hairy pale thigh... Black hair dragged back into an oily braid... Sweat dripping down a pale grey forehead... Orichimaru panted as the young instructor from the DVD increased his movement on the Power 90 Extreme (P90X for short). The old nin almost collapsed onto the floor when the tight muscled trainer gave everyone a break.

"Hanobuto! I don't think this rigorous internal thing is working!" Hanobuto rolled his eyes before replying.

"It's rigorous interval training master, not rigorous internal training. And you've only been doing this for fifteen minutes."

...Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex...

Hands trailed languidly over slopping muscles, lips and tongues met in a sloppy battle of dominance, rolling hips met and moans of pleasure filled the room lingering just that little bit.

"Please Kiba-kun..." came a pleading whine from the teasing god beneath the brunette, and biting into the sun kissed neck he happily obliged.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Kiba sat bolt upright a fist smashing the alarm clock to smithereens, his face flushed as he curled his knees to his chest trying to hide his quite obvious problem. "Just another dream, dammit..." he sighed out, sliding from the bed and into his bathroom.

...And she's gonna scream out... This is great... Yeah, I might mess around...

"OH YEAH! THIS! IS! GREAT!" screamed a voice from inside a cleared room. Hinata stood in the middle the virtual reality headset her cousin had got her (to keep her distracted for the rest of the day) sitting snuggly on her head. The young nin laughed as she twirled around and around, chasing the butterflies that appeared before her eyes.

...And get my college degree... I bet my old man will be so proud of me...

Neji sat back from the computer and listened to his cousin's laugh at the animals that only she could see. The Konoha college homepage sat before him and the printer chugged out the degree he had worked so hard to get. He'd defied his uncle by doing this, the older had said getting a degree like this would only waste his time and be useless once he was posted as Hinata's constant body guard. The white eyed nin just laughed, and hoped that his deceased father would at least be proud of him - that would make two people, although it was Hinata's idea so really she didn't count.

...But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait... Oh yes, I said it, I said it... I said it 'cause I can...

"Sorry pops you can give me the whole you shouldn't be clubbing... you shouldn't wear what you're wearing, speech when I get back." A glimpse of brown hair teased up into spikes was seen flashing through an open window. Kankuro emerged from his house wearing a leather biker jacket and tight black jeans, several belts which clinked as he walked, and high heeled boots... But no shirt, just the purple warrior paint that usually covered his face - now spread across his entire body.

"Kankuro you get back inside this house right now!" his father screamed, turning bright red in the face.

"Nope."

"What!"

"You heard what I said, and I'll say it again. NO!" Kankuro shouted as he hoped into his black porsche and sped off away from his father, who was standing on the front porch fuming with anger.

...Today I don't feel like doing anything... I just wanna lay in my bed...

The sun had given up on holding itself up in the sky, and was letting the moon take over. Naruto was still fast asleep, if he wasn't breathing so heavily (snoring *cough) you'd think he was dead.

...Don't feel like picking up the phone, so leave a message at the tone...

Annoyed at being ignored the two teens grabbed their phones and angrily punching in the others number.

"I'm sorry but the person you are trying to contact is unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone." Sakura and Ino sighed getting ready to leave another message for the other.

"Hey Sakura, it's Ino again... I just wanted to call to ask if you're ready to go out clubbing, because we missed our shopping trip today so this is all we've got left? Call me back."

"Hey Ino, it's Sakura. What are you doing Pig? I've called you like a jillion times, there's a new club opening tonight. I'm just calling in to remind you that we have the place booked. SO DON'T FORGET! Call me." As the two sighed and shut out their phones, the message from the other beeped into existence and the girls let out a frustrated cry at the appearance of it.

...'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything... No, I ain't gonna comb my hair...

An irritated shriek rose from a closed door within the Akatsuki man cave. Deidara burst from his shared room, blonde hair flying in all directions, his face that of a pissed off child.

"No! I ain't gonna comb my hair! Not with that thing!" he shrieked arms flinging round as his temper tantrum grew in intensity. "I want my hair brush back!" with a sigh Konan went back into the upside down room and began turning it to another angle, all in the hope of finding some stupid hairbrush.

...'Cause I ain't going anywhere, No - No - No - No - No - No - No - No - No...

"Sasori are you ready to go?" asked Pain from the door to the puppeteers work room, "I got these reservations weeks ago so you'd better come." the red head didn't move, his left hand rummaging round in draws.

"No... No... No... No!" he cried slamming the drawer shut, "I am NOT going tonight." Pain slammed the puppeteer's face into the desk spilling the latest poison he was working on, the orange heads face as impassive as a stone - yet his eyes burned with utter annoyance.

"You will be going tonight... God your as bad as your bimbo blonde partner. So please enlighten me to your reasons, because if you dare say you haven't brushed your hair with your lucky hairbrush I'm going to rip your heart out and feed it to Zetsu." Pain said all this with a completely calm voice, as he checked the dirt line under his fingernails - just to see if anything evil was growing there.

"Deidara lost his lucky hairbrush..." Sasori blinked in surprise a few times, before sighing, "Did you tell him to look under my bed? and besides my problems a little larger than that... I *********." he murmured the last part so that it was un-comprehendible.

"Pardon?"

"I lost may farm."

"You lost May farm?"

"I LOST MY ARM!" this made the usually calm leader drop his hand and widened his eyes as the puppet master stood - with only his left arm.

"Right I'll get Honan... HONAN! SASORI LOST HIS ARM!"

"What!"

...I'll just strut in my birthday suit...

As Deidara shrieked about how great Honan was for finding his hairbrush, and that Sasori needed his other arm back now; Hidan strolled peacefully into the kitchen, scratching at one of his butt cheeks with his head shoved deep into the fridge. Avoiding the plate marked as Itachi's he grabbed a jug of milk and began to chug the white liquid.

"Oh for God's sake!" Kakuzu cried flinging an arm up to shield his eyes from the site of a completely naked Hidan.

"Kakuzu you of all people should know that there is no god other than Ji-"

"Hidan I don't care about your god, I care about the fact you are just strutting around naked... And drinking the new milk, we just bought that... Ah, never mind... Now go and put some clothes on!"

...And let everything hang loose, Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - Yeah...

"Yeah... Hic..."

"Yeah!" two of the best Akatsuki sat on the floor of their room, black capes discarded and a wild look in their eyes. Itachi and Kisame picked up another red polkadot mushroom and devoured it hungrily, before dropping the stem and just rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.

Zetsu stuck his head out of the wall, confused about what the others where laughing so heartily about.

"So what's so funny." Itachi blinked at the plant man before just cracking up again, Kisame at the present time was unable to even lift his head from the floor he was laughing so hard.

"Look Kisame... it's a... talking plant..." the two started laughing even harder, their sides shaking with the force of their cackling. "And look a unicorn... Does a robot have anything to do with horsies..." Zetsu sighed and vanished back into the wall, Akatsuki members should never EVER eat hallucinogenic mushrooms.

... Oh, today I don't feel like doing anything... I just wanna lay in my bed...

After being bombarded with calls and texts from Sakura and Ino, Sasuke finally agreed to go over and make sure that Naruto was ready to go clubbing tonight - it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Walking straight into the dobe's house the Uchiha moodily flickered his gaze into the kitchen, which hadn't been touched all day, and the lounge room to find no blonde. With a tired sigh Sasuke pushed the door to the bedroom open, sprawled out on the bed barely covered by the thin white sheet was Naruto... FAST ASLEEP. Blinking a few times to clear his messed up head, Sasuke shoved Naruto onto the opposite side of the bed.

"Mmhh... What Sasuke?" the blonde groaned stretching, pushing the dobe over a little bit more Sasuke clambered onto the bed and buried himself under the blanket.

"Just shut up and go back to sleep." the Uchiha sighed as Naruto promptly fell back into his deep slumber, "and pray that Sakura doesn't call."

...Don't feel like picking up the phone, so leave a message at the tone...

Exasperated at the fact Sasuke was taking forever with collecting Naruto, Sakura and Ino thought the best corse of action would be to call Hinata and make sure she was still coming clubbing. Clicking the phone to speaker the two girls hung over it expectantly, the dial tone buzzing away.

"Beep! The person you are trying to contact is unavailable or they have turned their phone off, please leave a message after the tone."

"Hey Hinata it's Sakura and... Ino, we're just calling to make sure that you're ready to go clubbing tonight... Naruto's going to be there... Oh my God is that Kiba? Oh man he's looking hot... Who thought the mutt could pull of leather pants... Mmhh just look at that ass, it's begging to fucked... And wow is that Kankuro, god he looks like sin itself... Loving the paint work... Hey Tenten darling, you look gorgeous... (another voice joins in the conversation) Aw, I was going for horny slut... (*cackles of laughter) don't worry you look like that as well, loving the red lace... Right back to the conversation... So Hinata you better get your butt down here now before the boys arrive... And bring that tasty brother of yours..." with peals of laughter the line went dead.

"Hey Neji who was that on the phone?" Hinata asked walking into the lounge room wearing her new dress - specially picked by her number one cousin to make sure she wouldn't be hit on by any people who he didn't like - she was brushing her hair back from her white eyes. "So... who was on the phone?"

"Just your friends Sakura and Ino, oh and Tenten dropped a few lines in... So you really want to go to this club?"

"Oh come on you sour puss everyone's going to be there. It'll be a great night out..."

"Yeah." Neji murmured crossing his legs, his face blushing at the mere thought of what Tenten would be wearing - gees boys are so predictable.

...'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything... Nothing at all... Nothing at all... Nothing at all...

...Le Fine...

A/N: Hey, this is just something I wrote while listening to Bruno Mars's new song 'Lazy' - I hope you enjoyed it. Note: I wrote this while I was trying to get rid of my writers block so it mightn't be as good as it could've been...


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